[I wrote this entry last week, supposedly in time for Mother's day. However, because of the hacking incident, I wasn't able to publish it. Not wanting my writing to go to waste, I am publishing it now. I know it's not too late to greet all mothers, especially my friends.]

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Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried payments in my field, since the payment is full love.

Mildred B. Vermont

The first time I knew I was a “different” kind of mother was when Wendy was starting to walk. While other mothers patiently follow their children, with arms ready to catch their child if they should stumble, all I did was watch from a distance. I rarely ran over to help Wendy stand up when she fell. I let her discover the skill of walking on her own. Yes, mean me, I let her stumble, I let her fall. But you know what? Looking back, I realize that she learned to walk real fast!

Through the years, I noticed some weird way in the way I was a mother. I let Wendy play in the grass, in the dirt, in the rain. I stopped sterilizing her bottles when she was just months old! I let her drink tap water. I don’t let her drink medicine for such simple sickness like coughs and cold. And lately, when she was older, whenever she tells me “Mama, ayoko na mag-school,” I would respond, “Ok. Next year di ka na mag-e-enrol.” And at such a young age, I already let her be independent. Cases in point: ever since she was in kinder, she prepares for school by herself; and whenever she has a regimen for her skin allergy (eg, lotion first, then a topical medication, then another topical medication,then an oral medication, in that order), she does it by herself. I often refuse to fuss over her.

And to think that Wendy is an only child.

Some might view this as neglect and say, ano ba namang klaseng nanay yan? I would like to stress that it is not. I love Wendy very much and this is my way of being a mother to her.

I guess that one of the most important things I learned in my being a mother for 9 years [such a short time compared with millions of mothers] is that NO ONE should tell you how to raise your child. There are no black and white rules for being a mother [or a parent]. There might be guides and well-meaning people, but at the end of the day, we are the ones raising our children, and we are responsible for them. We eventually choose how to raise them.

There are different kinds of mothers: the loving, gentle one; the firm, disciplining one…the overprotective…the “parang kabarkada ko lang ang mother” ko type…the type you are ashamed of [remember when you were a teenager, when you don't want to be associate with your mom?]…the cool one…the loud type…the domesticated one…and many others.

However, no matter what kind of a mother you are, who will be the one your child will run to whenever he/she runs into trouble? Who will there to stay up late when your child is sick? Who will be there for your child’s first heartache and to wipe away the tears? Who will be the proudest person when your child achieves something? Who will be the one to love your child unconditionally? YOU! You know why? Because deep in the core of your being, you are a mother.

So now, whenever I see Wendy doing well in school, being nice to other people, or carrying out the values I try to instill in her, I feel satisfied with my being a mother. And whenever she tells me, every day and every night, that she loves me, I know I’m doing the right thing.

I’ll be gone for the weekend, so allow me to greet all mothers:

“A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.”

Henry Brooks Adams

When I was young, I wanted to be a lot of things: toll attendant, cashier, a conductor in a bus (don’t you love the way they tear up those tickets?), a bagger in the supermarket (nothing grand like being a doctor or lawyer). But the one ambition I’ve had for too long was becoming a teacher.

As a child, my intentions were not that noble. I wanted to be a teacher because I wanted many gifts during Christmas. Remember how our Grades 1 and 2 teachers brought home boxes of gifts during Christmas? But then I transitioned to wanting to become a teacher because what they did was cool! I even had a blackboard (I loved writing on blackboards then), chalk, posters, grade book (with all those squares for the scores), even cartolina for stuff to paste on the board. During that time, my students were my stuff toys; if not, they would be my two younger sisters.

The ambition has waned, but it’s still there. Up to now, I still dream of being in the academic setting, teaching. It’s no wonder that my first job after graduation involved teaching children. Even now, when my sister (who is an accountant) and I talk about back-up career, we know where we want to be: teaching.

But it’s not all about Christmas gifts and blackboards anymore. As you age, you find that your purpose in wanting a specific job becomes noble. As for me, I simply want to help children and make a difference in this world, if only small.

Needless to say, up to now, I haven’t fulfilled my dream of becoming a teacher.

With much reflection though, aren’t we all teachers on a certain level? Haven’t we, as individuals, been capable of helping other people and making a difference in this world? When I tell Wendy to say “please” and “thank you,” am I not teaching her to be polite? When I tell a friend to stand up after making a big mistake, am I not teaching her that life goes on and that we must face it with strength? When I laugh, am I not sending a message to the people around me that life is to enjoyed? And when I share happiness, am I not making a difference?

I realized that we don’t need to be teachers to teach and to make a difference. In our everyday lives, we are actually given the opportunity to teach somebody and leave an impression. We just need to be the human beings that we are. We just need to put into action the basic values of being human: love and kindness. And that will make all the difference in the world.

PS: My respect for teachers hasn’t changed though. I still consider them heroes.

The past few days [and hours], I had to make two major decisions, not the life-altering ones but certainly the type that you have to think about.

• First, my kababatas are wooing me to go on a trip with them somewhere in the Philippines. Now, having just gone on a trip in August and having another one lined up in December, I couldn’t say yes at once, even though I really want to go. Pano naman ang bank account? Baka mag-starve!
• Second, two of my office shoes went boink this week! What a bummer. Now, I have to buy another pair [I try to use only two pairs of shoes to the office]! I went around the mall and found one I liked. As in super liked! The problem is, it is too expensive for me [yup, that's me, the queen of kakuriputan]! I spent a whole hour going around the mall, deciding if I would buy the shoes. In the end, I didn’t! But I really like it that up to now, I am still thinking of it!

Ang hirap!

Interestingly [and unexpectedly], going with my mother to her chemo session today helped me decide on these things.

How? You might say!

Well, nothing makes one appreciate life more than going to the hospital. There, you will see people fighting for their lives. There are those who would do anything just to add a few more years to their lives, hoping they could get to go to this place, or see their long-lost sister again, or to make amends with the person they hurt. There are the children in the chemo section, with their parents praying that this daughter gets to celebrate her debut or that this son gets to shoot his first basketball.

There are people who are willing to do anything just to be given the chance live their lives. And here you are, a healthy person, seemingly stuck in an unmoving world because you simply do not want to take the step!

Yes, nothing makes me appreciate life more than to see the possibility of it being taken away. And nothing makes me want to live my life to the fullest than times like these!

I think it’s time to wear that black dress you haven’t worn because you’re still waiting for the “right” time. And why don’t use your perfume every day, not only during “special” occasions! You want to learn how to bake? Get a simple recipe and try it as soon as you can! Want to sing and play in the rain….we are having lots these days, you just have to go out! And now is the right time to spend time with your loved ones or to tell your parents that you love them. Do not wait for that “someday” because no one can know when and IF it will come! And in the end, you won’t be saying, “If only I….”

Seeing how lucky I am to be given the chance to actually live, the decisions that have been bugging me seem trivial now: I am now ready to book our flights, and that pair of shoes will be mine tomorrow [hopefully].

Have a great weekend everyone!

Ever heard of Mauritania?

Mauritania is a a small country in the northwest of Africa. It is bounded by the Atlantic Ocean on the west, Senegal on the southwest, Mali on the east and southeast, and Western Sahara on the northwest.

It is a very interesting country, especially that most of us don’t even know about it. However, the most interesting thing about this country [and one that would surprise you] is that women who are full-figured [read: fat] are considered beautiful. Yes, you read it right, here, the bigger you are, the more beautiful you are.

This was the startling revelation in an episode of Oprah last weekend.

In Mauritania, young girls who start out to be thin are given a diet consisting of high-fat food such as camel”s milk to ensure that they will get bigger. And eating this high-fat diet is actually part of their day. There is a schedule for eating, just like training is part of an athlete’s day or make-up is part of an artist’s schedule. And, in contrast to the women in most parts of the world, women in Mauritania will do anything to get fat, like taking weight-gain pills or supplements to increase appetite.

As a man from Mauritania in Oprah’s audience confided: “Women are expected to be fat, whereas men are expected to be skinny.” [To which Oprah responded, "Don't you just love that?"]

And get this, stretch marks are also a sign of beauty! Can you believe that?!? I can still hear Oprah singing, “There’s a place for us…somewhere a place for us!”

Surprising huh?

Well, I think Oprah summarized it well [for her episode that day was on what beauty meant for people around the world]: “Beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder.” I don’t think Paris Hilton will get a second look in Mauritania.

(photo credit here)

Postscript: Don’t you just love it when you learn something new about another culture?

It was like a scene from Kakasa ka ba sa Grade 5 [the Philippine version of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader]:

Subject: Philippine history

Mordsith: KG, ano ang ibig sabihin ng mga sinag ng araw sa flag ng Pilipinas.

KG: Aaahhh….alam ko yan…wait lang…mga probinsya yan…

Mordsith: Ok, probinsya na ano?

KG: Uhhmmm, na dinaanan ng death march?

Mordsith [rolling her eyes]: No!!!

KG [hyperventilating]: Uhhmmm…pwede ba yung three stars na lang? Alam ko yung, Luzon, Visayas, Mindanao.

Mordsith: Yung rays, KG, yung rays.

KG: Ok. Mga probinsya na….hmmmm….pwede ba iconsult si Google?

After that, she grilled me regarding the national heroes.

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Okay. Please don’t throw your tomatoes at me!  In my defense, I was absent when this particular topic was discussed in school.

Those are the things you’re sure you know; you just forgot. Well, now, they are just things you knew.

Don’t you notice that there are things that we don’t really need to know in order to live our life but are really important enough that we should know about them? And usually, these things are the small, minute details of things? When we were school, we were thought so many things, but how many do we actually remember up to now? Aahhh…yes, we remember snippets every now and then, but most of the time, we have forgotten a lot of what we have learned in school. I wonder why. And no wonder that no one’s ever won on the show Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader yet.

But let us not also forget that all these lessons, all these small things we learned, forgotten or not, have contributed to who were are now [cliche as it may sound]! And that, I learned in school!

In the meantime, I need to get back to my textbooks!

Note. For the benefit of those who were also absent the day this was taught [please, please tell me some of you were], the eight rays of the sun of the Philippine Flag represent the first eight provinces (Batangas, Bulacan, Cavite, Laguna, Manila, Nueva Ecija, Pampanga, and Tarlac) that sought independence from Spain and were placed under martial law by the Spaniards at the start of the Philippine Revolution in 1896.