Sayang siya…
06.12.09
Sayang siya…
How many times have we said this of someone? Or, worse, how many times have this been said of us?
Unfortunately, this has been said of me around 8 years ago, when I became pregnant while still in college. “Sayang siya” was a phrase I commonly heard then. “Sayang siya, matalino pa naman at mukhang malayo ang mararating, yung nga lang, nabuntis.” A friend’s mom told me that her daughter, my friend, told her, “OK naman yan si KG eh. Ok sa school, maabilidad, magaling makitungo sa tao. Sa pag-ibig lang bumagsak. Sayang siya.”
The reason I’m remembering this is I recently read an old article by Cito Beltran entitled “What Matters”. It is an interesting article that might stir up something inside us, as rarely would we find someone who is not guilty of this.
So how many times have we thought of somebody else as “Sayang siya“?
Was it your class valedictorian who now stays at home as a housewife to personally look over the affairs of her home and take care of her children? “Imagine, valedictorian tapos magiging housewife lang pala. Sayang naman siya.”
Was it this rich, very pretty friend, who was once a crush-ng-bayan, who is now marrying a very plain, middle-class salesman [who's not even smart!] because they love each other? “Ano? Ang ganda-ganda nya! Ang daming nagkakandarapa maniligaw sa kanya na matatalino, mayaman, at guwapo! Bakit dun siya magpapakasal? Sayang naman siya!”
Or, as Cito Beltran states, was it this father who turned down a PhP300,000-a-month job simply because he values his time for his family so much that that amount of money wouldn’t entice him to sacrifice his family over a job that would literally take over his life? “Ok sana sya dun sa job. Qualified. Ang laki ng sweldo. Pinalampas pa niya! Sayang naman siya.”
I know we would be guilty of this. At least once in our lives, there was this someone who was “sayang siya“…that someone who has fallen short of others’ expectation.
On the other spectrum, how many times have we said this of ourselves? When we feel na “napag-iiwanan na tayo ng mga kaibigan natin,” be it that they are all successful in their jobs, or that all of them have families already, or that we most of them are now abroad, do we say to ourselves, “sayang naman ako“? Do we feel the pressure to try to keep up just to try to prove that our lives are not “sayang“?
I hope that this phrase would be eradicated from the minds of people [I am trying to eradicate it from mine!]. For me, saying “sayang siya” is a way of looking down on other people, only it is masked with a dash of sympathy. People are products of what and who they are, of their choices, and of their experiences, so we have no right to say this, either of other people or ourselves. And let us remember, and I do hope we realize this, that people might actually be where they should and want to be. No life is a waste.
As for me, I can proudly say to those who thought of me as such 8 years ago, “Hindi ako sayang ano! I have done what I wanted to do. I have learned so many things. That event would ultimately shape who I am today. And I would never, ever think na ‘sayang ako‘.”
i love this post!!!
Really hit home big time… And yes, I am trying to eradicate that too. There’s no such thing as “sayang”.. I believe there’s always a reason behind every “sayang” moment. 
cza’s last blog post..Suuuuuungka!
I love you KG, whatever you have underwent in your life, whatever circumstances passed your way, you managed to survive it really well, whoever he/she is who said sayang ka, she might not have understood that you became strong because of what happened to you, and yes, that really shaped what you are now. Whoever he/she is, sayang din siya, he/she ought to stop degrading people because who knows, that sayang thing comes up and brings the best of herself, and she/he eats her words.
those sayang moments can also be our what-might/what-could-have-beens. i’ve stopped believing in those a loooong time ago. because life is all about what we have at the moment, and i am a firm believer that all things work together for good. ^-^
we may not understand the meaning of things as they’re happening, but there’s always wisdom to be learned in every mistake, in every blunder which, if we’ll allow it, will ultimately shape us to become better persons. so cheers for those “sayang” moments, because they never happen in vain.
odette’s last blog post..quote
I should say that when I was younger I said ’sayang siya’ (but only in my mind), and I’m sure I was prejudged the same way – all these for different reasons. When I look back now, I realized that “ah, siguro dapat ngang nangyari yun”. Those sayang moments made us a better person. I don’t know you as much as I know your sister, but I’m sure you’re as good as she is. Wendy is so lucky to have you. =)
cza, yup, there’s always a reason for sayang moments, whether to teach us something or to provide us with wnother opportunity.
sheng, thanks so much friend! mwah!
odette, yeah, i’ve had sayang moments too! i think everyone has. and as we know, these moments also help us become who we are today. but sayang moments are different from sayang people. i believe that just because people have sayang moments mans that their lives become automatically sayang. diba?
wits, thanks! hope she also says that about herself. he! he!
I admire your honesty, KG. Very well written post! I totally agree, “Sayang” is appropriate for missed opportunities, not missed expectations.
Garando’s last blog post..Special Skills
Sino nagsabi nun? Gusto mo bugbugin ko?
I’ve been there. Binugbog na rin ako ng “sayang ka” attitude na yan.
Papaano ka magiging sayang kung maganda naman ang bunga? I mean if you didn’t get pregnant, then you wouldn’t have that wonderful daughter right? You were chosen to have Wendy because He knows that nobody else can bring the best out of her. And so far, we think you’re doing an awesome job.
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i guess it all depends on whose viewpoint you’re taking. the thing is, it’s tough to live your life if you start measuring your accomplishments (or the lack thereof) based on somebody else’s standards. at the end of the day, it all comes down to deciding and doing whatever it is that makes you happy.
onyxx´s last blog ..tempest in a teacup
Just remember that you don’t live for someone else. You don’t do things for someone else. So I see no reason for you to please them at all.
It’s happiness and love that’s what’s important. You chose to become a mother and a housewife because you want your family to have a great mother and a wife. You are not “sayang” because you still live to a certain purpose. ^__^
Allen´s last blog ..A DAY LATE
Mnsan k’ze ang tao may pagkaignorante kaya ganon. Walang karapatan ang kahit na sino na magsabi na sayang ka because that was your choice. And look at you now, very happy and contented and I’m really glad. I believe sa mga ganyang situation eh, it’s just a matter of choice no matter where it will lead you. Princess Wendy is very lucky to have you!
Have a Wonderful Weekend KG!
i am guilty of saying this, but rather to myself…lol. i do sometimes feel being left out…you know…all my good ol’ buddies moving into different territories such as marriage, pregnancy…and all.
i do agree…that everything happens to us for the right reasons, and that from there we create a new life and live a life that we’re meant for us. there’s no such thing as “sayang siya.”
happy weekend.
just in time un post mo…heheh…i always thought these days “sayang ako” “sayang mga chances na pinalagpas ko”…un but hopefully i will pass all these things through…thanks kg…you really help me..
khuletz316´s last blog ..i hate what i am feeling
ouch there! i also say this sometimes (to myself or to someone else) but i do recognize one’s commitment to learn from their mistakes or to just show how happy and content they are with their choices.
and in your case, Princess Wendy turned out to be a super girl and YOU as a super mom. no regrets there.
i read the article and relate ako big time!!!
ewan ko ba why it’s inherently pinoy to say ’sayang siya,’ nakaka depress nga kung ikaw yung sinasayang sayang nila. pero at the end of the day, what’s important is the fact that you’re happy and living life the way you want it to be. like for some people, having quality time to spend with their loved ones is their luxury, their definition of success. while for some people it’s money. kanya-kanya. but I think tayo kase we belong to the group who likes to spend time with people we love most. and i personally have more respect for people like us (hehe…naging narcissistic pa ata ang comment ko)
mai da paypay´s last blog ..The Weather That Was
“On the other spectrum, how many times have we said this of ourselves?” Never. It’s not because I think highly of myself. In fact, it’s the contrary kaya nga walang masasayang hehe. kidding aside, there’s always hope to be what you want to be.
mordsith´s last blog ..Fight for Land, Fight for Justice
Hi! I’ve been blog-hopping and stumbled onto your site through Garando’s blog.
Nice entry you have here. I also have my “sayang moments,” as I stopped going to school because I couldn’t resist this job offer. I’m back in school now, and even though I’m older than all the kids there, I don’t regret having to stop because I wanted to work, because I learned a whole lot from there and it helped me be who I am today.
This is quite one of the most inspiring posts I’ve read. =)
“Imagine, valedictorian tapos magiging housewife lang pala. Sayang naman siya.” – would you believe both of my grade school and high school class valedictorians became preggers while in college? fortunately, hindi sila nasayang! now, one is a teacher in maryland and the other one has a computer supplies business here.
kg, i admire your honesty. i hope i did not offend you when i said dati na “pareho pala tayo, tatlo din…”. remember? {pwede pa-hug na lang?}
bem´s last blog ..bliss!
hogi, thanks so much! hope you were inspired!
hi bem! don’t worry! i was not offended at all! natawa lang ako. i can’t imagine na tatlo na ang anak ko by this time.
hate the phrase.. ahw! dont ever feel na sayang ka.. coz i think u are a nice person.
ericking´s last blog ..Got me a new theme!
no one has the right to judge the way you live your life. in no way was your life sayang! you are one of the most succesful moms i’ve known, not to mention a very well-travelled one. go kg!
kaka´s last blog ..Totally Random
very well said KG.
The first time I saw you sabi ko sa sarili kO…. KG’s a strong woman and I am right. Being pregnant while young is not “sayang” kaya. Wala naman nawala, matalino ka pa rin, magaling, mahusay
ang sayang if someone let hiself be defeated with problem…
Basta ako I admire you KG, your good inside and beautiful outside (hindi bola yan ha):)
jeanny´s last blog ..Canon in D major
kg, ako lang yata ang gurang dito heh heh . . .
Baliktad ang sitwasyon natin kg but believe me I understand what you must have felt during those ‘trying times’.
You got pregnant at a very early age (were you 17, 18, or 19 then?. I got pregnant at a very ripe age (I was almost 39). While I was walking down the aisle 12 years ago, I know a lot of the people invited were also telling each other “sayang naman si Nora”. And I can’t blame them.
Whatever we do, there will always be repercussions for our actions. It’s up to us to turn each negative situation to our advantage. Despite of everything that happened to me, I thank God for each tear that I shed because without the trials that I went through, I won’t be what I am now.
You’re a strong woman, kg. I don’t know yet the full story about you but after reading this post, I know you’re happy and contented. I hope I’ll see you someday in future races.
Let’s save money to watch Roger Federer together hah hah . . .
Nora, the golden girl´s last blog ..51 to Inifinity and Beyond
sinong sayang? baka sila? hellow? may wendy ka kaya. i said this to you na when we met last sun but im giving another hugs for u my friend! **hugssss**
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Agree! Ok ang post na to. We may say “sayang” to others pero for all we know, yun talaga ang gusto nila mangyare. Like yung “kawawa naman siya”, yung pala proudest moment nya na yun.
every mistake we make in life doesn’t make us “sayang.” rather, the mistakes are the ones that make us grow stronger as a person. besides, di ba blessing talaga magkaroon ng anak? =)
wow! very well said kg. you’re such a strong woman! wag mo nalang silang pansinin. marami ring nagsabi sa akin nyan before especially during my high school days. being a product of a broken family eh hindi ko sila masisi na i-degrade nila ako. pero ng makita nila kung paano ko pinanindigan at hinarap ang bawat pagsubok na dumating sa aking buhay eh nagulat nalang sila. at ngayon sila na ang nahihiyang humarap sa akin kahit wala naman silang naririnig mula sa akin. guilty kasi sila!